Zumbador

Zumbador , 2 hours ago

@miaoue

Miaoue thank you for articulating this so clearly. I absolutely agree. At some point we need to stop the euphemism creep of making up a new term with positive associations ("Special Needs", for example) that inevitably becomes contaminated with abelist associations.

Dig our heels in and reclaim "disabled" as a term, and directly challenge what needs to be changed: not the word, but the abelist prejudice.

@wilbr @bananamangodog @LehtoriTuomo @faithisleaping @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 1 day ago

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic With these things, I find it takes time to work through it all and figure out what parts apply to me, and how they apply.

It's worth doing the tests of "Is this masking?" and "This is masking, but I still want to do it" or "This might be masking, but overall it's positive for me and others" or "This is masking, and I shouldn't just reflexively do it, but doing it consciously can be OK at times."

Black and white thinking is a thing, and we like to find rules to help us through ambiguity. But we're all different, and different things will work for us at different times.

Zumbador , 1 day ago

@petelittle1970 @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic "You don't have to be consistent.. you just have to be happy in yourself."

This is quite a profound insight. It's easy to fall into the trap of trying to find The One Rule that applies to every situation, or to think you're being hypocritical or untrue to your "real self" if you respond differently in different contexts.

But humans just don't work like that. We ARE different people in different contexts, and that's ok.

Zumbador , 1 day ago

@pathfinder @PixysJourney @actuallyautistic

As usual, "what Kevin said" 🙂

But I'd also like to add:
Once you've done the basic work of being decent online, (being kind, not harassing people who disagree with you etc) it may help to move on to reframe being blocked / muted / unfollowed as a neutral thing, and not a scold or a judgement.

You get to be yourself on here, and that hopefully attracts people who get who you are. And it might also result in people opting out of following you because they don't get who you are. Or they get it, but for whatever reason, don't want your kind of energy in their feed right now.

You not having to deal with those people, and them not having to deal with you is a good thing for all concerned.

Zumbador , 1 day ago

@mvilain @SallyStrange @himantra @bookstodon @horror Yes! Both The Golem and the Jinni, and its sequel are wonderful "Must Own The Print Copy" books for me. The stories deal with some tough subjects at times, but with so much compassion that they are a pleasure to read.

Zumbador , 1 day ago

@seanwithwords

Sean, well said.
I would like everyone to have the benefits of knowing whether or not they are autistic, without autism being medicalised and pathologised.

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 5 days ago

@arisummerland @yourautisticlife @actuallyautistic

Yes this is very much how I experience alexithymia.

Sometimes I seem unnaturally calm and unbothered, and the upset only arrives later.

Sometimes I can actually be upset in ways that are apparent to people around me, but I'm not aware of it myself until later.

Zumbador , 6 days ago

@migriverat

Note that the @ actuallyautistic@a.gup.pe tag means that the original post was posted to a group of autistic people. Unless youre autistic, (maybe you are!) you might inadvertently cause offence.

And if you genuinely feel that you can't talk to people about things that you find interesting... Might be worth investigating whether you're autistic 😉 because that's a incredibly common experience for autistic people.

@Elizabeth3 @mighty_orbot @actuallyautistic @Starbrother

Zumbador , 6 days ago

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic yes it makes such a difference!

I recently got myself some prescription shades, and I love them. Reducing the glare is great, but I also like that they hide my eyes and make me look a bit like Terminator Arnie. I can let my face go blank without feeling to self conscious about my resting autistic face.

Zumbador , 8 days ago

@herhandsmyhands @romancelandia @bookstodon yes this looks like "Sweet Romance". Setting themselves up for bad reviews

Zumbador , 8 days ago

@JoBlakely @Ilovechai @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

I used to love going to the dog park. It's easy to talk to dog people, all you have to do is be interested in their dog. No social awkwardness for me. Also, I recognise the dogs and remember their names, not true of their humans.

Zumbador , 10 days ago

@eco_amandine @3goodthings

The boy and the Heron! I loved that film. Gorgeous.

Zumbador , 10 days ago

@mariyadelano @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Oh I totally have this struggle too.

What I try to do now it to start with the context ("why do you need to know this"), and check in with the person whether they understand the context.
Then I go down some levels to a basic principle, but before I explain it, I contextualise it too ("this is what makes x possible" or whatever).

And if possible, I divide the explanation into discrete units, stopping after each step to give them a chance to try for themselves, or discuss, or have a break.

Most people don't absorb new information in more than one step at a time, without a chance to put it into practice. That might mean they get to ask a question, or you ask them to come up with examples other than what you've just provided. Anything to get them out of passive listening and into active thinking mode.

Zumbador OP , 12 days ago

@juhanarasanen @actuallyautistic

Yes exactly! That's what I was the kind of thing I was thinking about.

Zumbador OP , 12 days ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

That's an interesting thought.

I remember, as a small child, thinking about all the other people out there, and each of them thinking of themselves as the main character in their story, just as I think of myself... and yet we're all part of the same story. So how could that be?

(I didn't have the words to articulate that thought at the time. I think we often underestimate children because of that.)

That seems like a similar thing to what you're pointing out, the joining the dots in ways you're maybe not expected to.

Zumbador OP , 12 days ago

@dorian
"Broadly, all distinctions of seperateness break down upon deep examination"

Yes, exactly. And people often confuse the seperations we make for efficient thinking and communication, (like categories and labels) , with actual difference.

@handmade_ghost @weirdofhermiston @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 13 days ago

@dyani @actuallyautistic

One year! I bet it feels simultaneously much shorter than a year and much longer.

Self compassion really is key for this process

Zumbador , 13 days ago

@theendismeh

Be Kind, I don't know if you listen to podcasts, but The Neurodivergent Woman podcast did a really good episode on stimming recently.

They talk to a woman who is doing research on stimming from an autistic perspective.

Basically the "official" established view is that stimming is a repetitive movement behaviour that serves no purpose. (notice the neurotypical point of view!)

But autistic people tend to define stimming as any behaviour that helps you regulate yourself. It might be repetitive movement (tapping, rocking, flapping hands) or it might be listening to nature sounds, or looking at patterns and colours, or saying satisfying phrases.

The definition of stimming, from an internal, autistic perspective is the intensity of the experience, and that it helps you regulate yourself.

@melindrea @darrellpf @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 13 days ago

@theendismeh

This is the episode https://omny.fm/shows/the-neurodivergent-woman/stimming-with-marie-camin

@melindrea @darrellpf @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 14 days ago

@dilmandila

That looks awesome! Congratulations

@bookstodon @blackmastodon

Zumbador , 14 days ago

@lackattack

Welcome!

You'll find a lot of us (ADHD, AuDHD and Autistic) at the @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 15 days ago

@nellie_m @JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic @pathfinder

Up till recently my husband taught at a school for the Deaf. He learned sign language. It's quite challenging to learn as an adult, but also fascinating.

I'd be more inclined to use text to communicate if I can't speak. Mostly because almost no one I know understands sign language so it won't help me communicate

Zumbador , 15 days ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

I think we're going to see some big changes in how ADHD /Audhd /autism is defined and categorised in the next few years.

I don't know whether this will be autism broken into distinct sub-types, or ADHD becoming an aspect of autism, or some other division or combination.

In the meantime I'm holding onto these labels lightly and only referring to them in as much as they help me understand myself, and find community of like minded people.

The traits you recognise in yourself are a real phenomenon. Unless you think they're caused by something that requires treatment or managed in ways other than what you're already doing, you can't really go wrong with exploring this new aspect of your self-realisation.

You might figure out an explanation other than Audhd, or it might start feeling like a helpful label.

For myself, the more I learn about it, the more Audhd fits my experience.

Zumbador , 15 days ago

@andrewhinton

Yes I agree. It's helpful to have terminology, but the categories shouldn't be confused with what they're describing.

@miaoue @actuallyautistic @pathfinder @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@janisf @TheBreadmonkey @pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Chiming in to repeat what others have said.

Realising that you're different from who you assumed you are is a big deal and it will take you time to figure it all out.

It's valid to have complicated feelings and doubts, and OK to express them.

One of the ironies of this is that being autistic makes it more likely that we doubt our own experience. This quote from the Embrace Autism site sums it up for me:

"We are lateral thinkers. Our superior lateral abilities generate multiple relevant possibilities for any problem. So we hypothesize what we might actually be and come up with many alternatives. Even if autism perfectly describes us, we may still have doubts because some of our behaviors can be attributed to other conditions."

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@Enema_Cowboy @bookstodon
It really is. I reread it recently and this time I was struck by how much Richard Adams's wartime experience must have influenced the story.

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@Enema_Cowboy @bookstodon

Yes exactly!

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@niamhgarvey @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

The thing about figuring out ADHD traits as an adult is that you have to scrape aside all the coping methods and strategies you've developed just to survive .

People who aren't ADHD typically don't start packing for a trip days before they leave.

People who aren't ADHD typically don't have such strong anxiety about deadlines that they finish projects WAY ahead of time JUST IN CASE.

On a day with an appointment at 4pm, people who aren't ADHD typically don't get stuck in waiting mode all day long struggling to do anything else.

They might have a diary and a to do list, but they won't totally lose track without them.

People who aren't ADHD typically might not like doing boring things, but they don't have to trick themselves with strategies (eg unable to do the dishes unless listening to an audiobook)

ADHD adults can seem to have it together, but the cost in anxiety is hidden and high.

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@melanie

I think there's definitely a trauma response aspect, but I also think that ND people in general, and some of us in particular just have a smaller window of tolerance for stress.

I think some of it is a physiological difference. Our nervous systems are different. We're just more sensitive, we go into fight, flight, freeze more easily.

And that's a vicious circle because being more sensitive means we're more susceptible to trauma.

@niamhgarvey @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@niamhgarvey

Same same same.

@miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@niamhgarvey @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

... and I also want to add that just because some ADHD people can force themselves to cope in these ways, doesn't mean that other ADHD people can, or should.

We're different from one another. People have different resources of energy, money, time, health and support.

And we're just plain different from one another neurologically in terms of impulse control, attention, motivation, executive function.

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@melanie

That is such an injustice. Makes absolutely no sense either. I mean what the actual fuck.

@niamhgarvey @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@niamhgarvey @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Another "unofficial" ADHD trait is Big Emotions.

Which sounds a lot like Autistic Joy to me.

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@Glenlivet

You're right, it goes both ways.

I don't know if emotional dysregulation is accurate, that (for me) is a sub category (you can have big emotions without being dysregulated) , otherwise it seems quite pathologising.

@niamhgarvey @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@pathfinder @niamhgarvey @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd I suspect everyone here has probably already looked at this, but the Misdiagnosis Monday ven diagram of Autism and ADHD is quite good: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/misdiagnosis-monday/adhd-vs-autism

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@niamhgarvey

I find this such a tough balance to achieve.

I have limited energy, but I also need to do things in order to energise myself and stay engaged and not slip into depression or anxiety spiral.

So I can't just rest and do nothing.

@dyani @rebekka_m @melanie @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@niamhgarvey @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Another way to express the "adult diagnosis is difficult" phenomenon is this:

Adult ND people will to some extent have organised our lives according to our needs. So "how much are you struggling" can be a deceptively complex question to answer.

I manage mostly ok because I don't have children, I found a work from home job that allows a lot of solitude, and those 2 things allow me to self regulate more easily.

I didn't know I was autistic when I made all the decisions that led to this lifestyle, I was just lucky enough to be able to choose according to my innate needs.

If I happened to be in a different situation (raising small children, working a unpredictable job that requires a lot of social interaction) my autistic traits would be way more disabling, I'd seem far more obviously autistic from the outside as well as internally.

So if you're still figuring this stuff out, take all that into consideration as well.

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@un_ouragan @niamhgarvey @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Not speaking from experience of course, but I can imagine few things more calculated to cause autistic burn out than being a parent in our society, where the entire load of childcare, both physical and emotional labour, along with dysregulating physical, sensory and emotional demands, falls on the parents (and not, for example, the extended family) and more specifically, on the mother. Throw in hormones in flux and childhood trauma and wow.

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@megstev

I'm so sorry, Megan. That sounds very hard. Not being able to be yourself and feel emotionally safe with close family (safe from accidentally hurting them, or being hurt) is so lonely.

@niamhgarvey @un_ouragan @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@megstev

O fantasties! Nog 'n Afrikaanse Mastodon don persoon! 🙂✨❤️

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@megstev @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd O jisklaaik ek kan my voorstel. Ek het in Stellenbosch groot geword - my ouers was anti-apartheid en ons het nie kerk toe gegaan nie. So ek het nooit uitgefigure dat daar ook ander, autistiese redes was hoekom ek nie ingepas het nie. Maar dit was in the tagtigs meestal. Dinge was darem 'n bietjie makliker teen daai tyd.

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@megstev @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd Nou ja! Dit was 'n ander wereld. My ouer broer en susters was deel van daardie studente proteste, maar ek was nog op skool. Al wat ek kon doen was om te weier om vir Die Stem op aandag te staan 😆

Zumbador , 17 days ago

@elysegrasso

Elyse, agreed. I had exactly the same experience when reading it. I thought the early passages about the cultural revolution were compelling, but after 2/3rds it became impersonal and boring for me.

@Z_Zed_Zed @Jennifer @bookstodon

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@elysegrasso @Z_Zed_Zed @diazona @Jennifer @bookstodon

Interlocking MacGuffins is such an awesome phrase, not sure if it should be a band name or a username.

Fun to say as well.

Zumbador , 16 days ago

@clacke @actuallyautistic @pathfinder

I had to read up on this:

"Explicit memory involves recalling previously learned information that requires conscious effort to receive" for example personal experience ("x happened to me on y day") and factual information you had to learn ("city is the capital of y country")

"Implicit memory is unconscious and effortless" for example muscle memory (how to ride a bike etc), understanding categories (knowing what things are), having emotional associations with things (you react emotionally in certain ways to certain things) .

Lots to think about here, for example explicit memory of things that fall in my special interest is stronger than things that don't.

Constant earworms seem related to implicit (short term auditory) memory.

Also the differences in encoding the different forms of memory vs retrieving them.

eg I have vivid visual memory but have difficulty recognising people.