BackOnMyBS

BackOnMyBS , 1 day ago

I was born, raised, and currently live in Florida. The guavas in Florida supermarkets are closer-tasting to plastic than the guavas I've had in the Caribbean.

BackOnMyBS OP Mod , 2 days ago (edited 2 days ago)

Eye contact is particularly interesting to me because it was one of the first things I was ever self-conscious about. My parents never told me I was autistic, though in retrospect, they definitely knew. Anyway, I remember thinking something was wrong with me around late elementary school/early middle school because I couldn't keep eye contact. I would try but would feel too weird at the time. It was like I would get dizzy, take off to another dimension, and completely miss anything that happened while I was maintaining eye contact. Sometimes, it was so apparent that I was having difficulty in the moment, that other people would notice something was going on with me. I didn't know what it was and was confused as to how others forced themselves to maintain eye contact so intensely and easily.

I asked a trusted teacher about it one time. She looked pretty concerned and suggested that I look at people's eyebrows when I talked to them. I tried it, but that didn't feel right either. What I ended up doing is socializing with people that were okay with me looking off to the side during conversations. Later on when in college and taking classes on communication, I remember they would say that eye contact was an essential listening skill. During these classes, we would have role plays in front of the class to practice conversational skills. I would get stressed whenever these role plays would come up because I knew that it was either (a) I maintain eye contact and not hear the message while I feel intimately violated or (b) I hear the message with impressive recollection but then get criticized for looking disinterested.

• What do you think is the underlying difference that causes autistic people to use less eye contact than others?

The best I can come up with is that I'm hyper sensitive to some sensory inputs, and eye contact it one of them. Eye contact to me is like establishing a direct line from my mind to someone else's. I feel too much empathy, that it overrides how I am feeling. Vice versa, I feel that the person can feel too much of me, and that is too vulnerable.

• What does it feel like for you?

For me, it depends. If it's someone I trust very well or am romantically involved with, then I engage in eye contact because it's super awesome being connected at such an intimate level.

If it's someone I know and am friendly with, then I use purposeful short glances to see how they're feeling, especially in moments when they are sharing something that I find their feelings to be important information. If they are sharing something intimate or emotionally difficult, for example a difficult moment that they are experiencing, then I may maintain eye contact a little more until I feel I have a sufficient understanding. It's like the eyes are the confirmation of or filling in the missing information of what they are saying.

If it's someone I don't know, I will barely make any eye contact if at all. Instead, I will look at their mouth. This is especially helpful if there is too much noise because it allows me to lipread. It also gives more information on their emotional disposition than looking at their eyebrows. If I'm too close to them that looking at their mouth would make them uncomfortable, I look off to the sides. I probably come off as completely disinterested, which I am not, but that's better than eye contact with a stranger.

• How do you interpret other people’s eye contact?

Again, it depends on our relationship. With strangers and acquaintances, it feels completely invasive like they can see the inside of my mind. As a thought exercise, if the options were either to be completely naked or maintain eye contact, I would choose to be completely naked. In some cases, I will turn around enough so that they can't make proper eye contact, or become so uninteresting or disinterested that they stop. With closer friends, I have no problem if they keep it limited and they don't expect it from me. With intimate relationships, I expect it. If they don't engage in it, then I think something is up with them or the relationship.

Does anyone else relate to this?

BackOnMyBS OP Mod , 2 days ago

understanding the differences between autism and- ? Other what’s?

Understanding the difference between autistic neurotype and every other neurotype. If you would like, you can choose specific neurotypes or provide education on neurotypes that also share a similar style with eye contact.

Makes me think of The Hypno-toad - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDsIlAXWORw

lol! Yesss! This is very close to how I experience it. Too overwhelming that I dissociate.

eye contact feels like someone is talking to me, and most of the time it feels like they’re unaware they’re talking, and like they’re telling me intimate details that seem like a bit much to be sharing.

I feel similar! It's like they are being too intimate. I feel completely uncomfortable with that in the vast majority of situations/relationships. In fact, I accidentally did it at salsa dance class this week with someone I barely know. I have only seen them in dance class once a week for the past ~4 weeks. Anyway, I maintained eye contact because it helped me understand what they were feeling, which was important information while we were learning and executing a complicated move. However, I didn't just pick up on how they were feeling about the dance. It felt like they were having sex with me with their eyes. I still feel a bit violated by it, but maybe I misinterpreted what I picked up on. Regardless, I am going to make sure I limit eye contact in these situations. It's too much for that level of a relationship.

I don’t want to look into anyone else’s brain, and I’m really not interested in having anyone looking into mine

From what I can tell, we are pretty similar in regards to eye contact. I found quite validating, so thank you for sharing. Check out my response to this post if you are interested.

BackOnMyBS OP Mod , 1 day ago

Thank you! I'm glad we were able to relate on it. I think it's helpful for self-awareness and developing healthy relationships.

BackOnMyBS OP Mod , 1 day ago

Others don’t like me having eye-contact with them, because I’m too intense.

When people have told me that, I think it was because I was forcing myself to maintain eye contact rather than do it naturally like NTs do, so I would do wayyy to much of it 😳, which made them feel uncomfortable. "How do you like it‽" 😆

BackOnMyBS , 2 days ago

I hear war drums

BackOnMyBS , 2 days ago

Not so weird to me or most Cubans, but prolly to the rest of the world: malta with a spoonful or two of sweetened and condensed milk. Pour the malta into a glass, then add the milk and stir until evenly mixed. Drink. If you're not used to the flavor of malta, this combo may be too much to start off with.

pictures for reference

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/bca5d8cf-7eed-4e7a-aa09-6efaf8a93e10.jpeg

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/7087b30e-0643-4633-b4aa-0ad628ecb725.jpeg

BackOnMyBS , 2 days ago

Vigooooooo 👻

BackOnMyBS , 3 days ago

milkshake and broccoli (or any veggie)

this one actually disgusted me

BackOnMyBS , 3 days ago

I'm happy for you :)

How did you come to like that? When was the first time you tried it?

BackOnMyBS , 4 days ago

I recently started watching Narcos about a week ago, and this is the first time I realize that the guy in this meme is the portrayal of Pablo Escobar 😮😋

BackOnMyBS OP Mod , 3 days ago

Learning to really accept myself and to stop judging myself helped me to build some confidence. Which in turn helps to handle (or survive) situations which ask to much from me.

Learning to listen to myself. If I feel, that I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to. Not now, maybe later, OK?

I like these two a lot. Congrats!

BackOnMyBS OP Mod , 2 days ago

Share away, please! Btw, I believe everyone has the right to understand in their own way how autism and society interact, so please don't feel the need to exert too much effort on pedantry unless you really want to. Personally, I appreciate diverse persepectives because I feel it gives me a well-rounded view of the situation. It's like if we were all standing around an object. I can only see my side, but if we all shared our own perspectives, then we could see 360*.

BackOnMyBS OP , 4 days ago

Thank you!

BackOnMyBS , 4 days ago

environmental and animal welfare groups were least likely to have diverse leadership

Interesting! I wonder why that would be the case. Any ideas?

BackOnMyBS , 4 days ago

my celebrity crush: Zoe Saldana. she kinda looks like an alien, but damn...she is the epitome of beauty, my Aphrodite 😍

BackOnMyBS , 4 days ago

yes

BackOnMyBS , 5 days ago

YouTube Music with the bonus that you also get YouTube Premium. Cons is that you're supporting the Google.

BackOnMyBS , 6 days ago

better make it one of those Voodoo Rangers with their wine level alcohol percentage. a 6 pack of those will kick my butt for the rest of the day before I even realize it. I'll be like, "Hmm. This beer is pretty good despite it being fruity." ...5 mins later... "Omg, why am I so drunk? I need to go to bed." ...next morning... "What happened?"

BackOnMyBS , 6 days ago

That's 16 shots to whomever loses. No joke, I'd be drunk for 2 days if I had that many.

BackOnMyBS , 6 days ago

American here. What's a toonie?

BackOnMyBS , 6 days ago

Why are they mining out here in the US? Wouldn't it be much cheaper to mine in China?

BackOnMyBS , 6 days ago

Why would anyone in Texas care about him? If whatever Texas' governor came to Florida, I would be like, "Who is this guy?? And why is anybody listening to him?"

BackOnMyBS , 7 days ago (edited 6 days ago)

I think I could help with this since I lived with an adult bully for about 1.5 which was a horrible experience, but I took it as a major learning lesson and promised myself that I would be a support and advocate for victims. So, here's what I learned.

Bullies are predators that look for what they think would be the easiest victim. They need to bully because they are extremely insecure, yet the bullying makes them feels superior in their heads. So, know that their weakness is insecurity, and they see a weakness in you. Using this info, you can work on their weakness to show you're not an easy target by protecting yours, and they won't get the sense of superiority out of bullying you.

Tips:

• Do not play their game. They are the experts on this. Once you recognize someone is trying to bully you, know that they have started to work on you for a while now. Thus, if a bully throws you the ball, don't throw it back. Put it down. If they start a conversation with you that you don't want to have, say, "That's interesting, but I'm focused on something else right now."

• Have very solid boundaries. Know what they are, verbally state them when appropriate, and stick to them 100%. They will search for where they can violate this, then capitalize on it, so do not let one thing slide.

• Be grounded in your truth. Bullies will try to define reality for you. For example, "It's not that they are a abusive assholes because they're so insecure; it's that you are weak and deserve it or they're just playing." Nope. That's their delusion. Stay planted to your reality. It may help to write it down as a reminder for yourself.

• Greyrock. Greyrock. Greyrock. That means to have no noticeable emotional reactions to any of their bullying. They feed off of reaction, whether it is good or bad. Do not show that they are affecting you in any sense. This makes them feel insecure, so their strategy of bullying you isn't working.

• I-statements. You can say whatever you want as long as you don't mention anyone else by name or pronoun. So rather than saying, "You are insulting me." Say, "I feel uncomfortable right now." That is 100% acceptable and no one can argue how you feel since it's generally considered a jerk move. If anyone does argue your feelings, they're gaslighting you because they're telling you to trust their reality over yours.

• As adults, they are playing a social game. They are trying to paint you as the bad guy, paint themselves as either strong or the victim (depends on the immediate setting, but think of how Trump is always either strong or a victim), isolate you, then creating alliances with others to start bullying you, whether the others know it or not. For me, this is the hardest of the areas to work on, but basically I remember that they are focused on the immediate moment. You need to play the long game. Stay stable and don't start with gossip, trash talking, or whatever. You need to demonstrate through your behaviors that you are not what the bully is telling everyone else you are. Also, do not believe anything the bully tells you about others. That is a manipulation strategy. For example, they may tell you that, "Person A is such a bully to Person B." This will trigger your sensitivity, get you to isolate from Person A, and start trusting the bully a little more since they are apparently against bullying. It's all a game they play. As long as you understand that they are delusional, you can accept to not trust a thing they say, even is many of their statements are littered with half-truths. Remember, everything they say has a manipulative purpose. Eventually, the bully will either get sick of trying to bully you and it not be effective, or they may actually lash out enough for you to take more concrete steps, such as legal, contacting HR, or whatever.

• Do not speak poorly of anyone else. They will use this to trash your reputation with them, especially if it is something that other person is vulnerable about. They can prompt it by going, "I don't mean to be mean, but I'm kind of concerned with Person A's health...they just look a bit too overweight." You, trying to relate, respond, "Yeah, they do seem a bit overweight, and they're not helping themselves eating Chic-Fil-A for lunch. Maybe they don't know how to eat healthier." Later on, they go to Person A, "Hey, I want you to know that I am just trying to be a caring person and don't like any drama, but I thought it was rude what someone told me about you...Lettruhut was talking crap about how you shouldn't be eating Chic-Fil-A because of your size." Person A then gets justifiably offended and can even confirm the half-truth by coming up to you and asking, "Hey, do like Chic-Fil-A?" You unconsciously remembering the previous conversation respond, "No, it's too much for me." That's it. You just confirmed what the bully implied.

• Do NOT share anything personal with the bully. If the bully comes up to you and says, "You know, I feel bad about taking home pens from work sometimes. It feels like I'm stealing." Do not try to console them by being vulnerable, such as, "I don't think that's a big deal. One time I really needed just a few staples, so I took some home from the office because I didn't need a whole box." In this example, you just admitted to the bully that you steal. The bully will immediately start spreading that info unto others. They may tell a manager, "I'm a bit concerned that Lettruhout is stealing because I saw them taking home office supplies. I'll show you what I mean at the next meeting by pretending that I'm doing it, you play along, and we can see how they react." Next meeting comes along, "Hey everyone, I want to know what you guys think...I'm a bit embarrassed about this, but I've been taking home pens from the office, and I wanted to know if you think that's a big deal?" The manager says, "I mean, something so insignificant, that's fine. If it were a computer, then of course that's a problem though. What do you think Lettruhut?" You responded, "Oh yeah. One time I took home a few staples. I was really nervous about it, but I'm glad you guys are sensible. I was actually worried that you guys would see it as stealing." Boom! You just admitted that you stole, while the bully has an alibi for what they told you they stole. When you get punished for it and try to accuse the bully of it, you now look like a liar as well, and no one will believe whatever you say about the bully from there on out. Anyway, as long as you don't share anything personal with them, they will see that you're not an easy target and prey around for someone else.

• If you see them bully someone else, become a source of support for them. Don't tell them what you saw, but ask them to tell you how they experienced it and be a supportive sense of validation grounded on reality. This shows them that you are healthy and also that their recollection and interpretation of events are valid.

• Know that as long as you are not dealing with a lethally dangerous psychopath, you have already won. You have won because they are playing an antagonistic game based on fantasy. You are living a collaborative life based on reality. Since you are aiming to be collaborative, you limit the amount of antagonism you create. In fact, it is others that create the antagonism which you may fall victim to. However, their entire lives are antagonistic, so they are more likely to mess up and have a longgggg history of terrible relationships and records. Being based on reality, you've already won. Say there are two people with cancer. One accepts it and receives medical treatment. The other denies it,calls the doctor a liar, and convinces everyone they'll be fine. The former is the one with the better chances of surviving. Meanwhile, the latter may get some sympathy and cause the doctor some headache, but they're going to die sooner than the former one. So no matter what anyone thinks, you will win because you are based on reality.

• Of course, if this is a person threatening your safety, then you need to get authorities involved. Not only keep track of your interactions, but find a way to mount evidence. What I did with my bully when I was kicking them out of my life (a dangerous moment because they act more intensely since their about to lose their insecurity drug), I would put my phone on record and in my pocket so that I had evidence to share with people if I needed to. While that particular example wouldn't be admissible in court in my state, I could still share it with police, medical professionals, or lawyers so they know I am being truthful. In retrospect, I could have tricked them into giving me consent by starting the recording in my pocket, then saying, "So if what you're telling me is right, you wouldn't care if I recorded it?" They would have to respond, "No." Then I would go, "So I have your permission to record this?" They would say, "Yes," assuming you're not recording, so then you can say, "Ah, never mind. It's not worth it to go get my camera." Boom! Just got consent and bonus, they now think you believe their BS even more because you didn't follow through to get the camera.

edits: grammar and a quote

BackOnMyBS , 6 days ago

Thank you! While I understand the sentiment, I'm happy that I can help others out of it now, too. One of those bittersweet things, I guess.

BackOnMyBS , 5 days ago

I appreciate it very much, and I'm so sorry you were going through that! It wasn't your fault, everything they said were lies, and you were chosen because you are a wonderful person. Keep on keeping on! Don't forget to eat, and even if it 100% seems like it won't, it does get better. Feel free to reach out to me ❤️

Edit: Fun Fact: My username is a reference to me coming back to myself after the abuse 🤪

BackOnMyBS , 7 days ago

I don't get it. What's the joke?

BackOnMyBS , 7 days ago

There's like a 95% chance I would respond similarly to the one in blue without an iota of awareness that it might come off as rude. Instead, I would probably feel proud of my authenticity and accuracy.

BackOnMyBS Mod , 7 days ago

I haven't, but I have a relevant experience that might help you. I used to get horrible migraines starting around 7 years old. They were so bad, I would have been okay with dying during them. They would start coming on sometime in the early to mid-afternoon, and by night time, I was a complete mess. I would have to find some sort of odd position with my neck bent, cover my eyes, limit all noise, and not be cold at all. Light was especially painful. There was no medicine I had taken that would stop it. Around 1a-3a that night/morning, I would vomit, and within 15 mins, the migraine was mostly gone. I would then sleep like 12 hours. This would happen around once every three months, and I never recognized any triggers.

As I aged and was able to access healthcare on my own terms, I tried all sorts of medicines in the US. Tryptans just made me feel weird during the migraines. Prophylactics didn't do anything besides give me side effects. One time, I was hospitalized for another condition and got a migraine. They saw how bad it was that they straight up gave me a heavy IV shot of dilaudid. I threw up immediately, and the migraine went away. On a few occasions when I got migraines in Cuba while visiting, I would go to the local clinic. There they would inject me in the butt with diphenhydramine (Benadryl), dimenhydrinate^1 (Dramamine), and diazepam (Valium). My migraine would reduce in intensity and I'd be sleepy enough to pass out despite the lingering pain, then wake up the next feeling fantastic.

Eventually, I was referred to a neurologist that would inject botox into certain areas of my face, neck, and scalp every 3 months, and that seemed to work pretty well as a prophylactic, though the injections were moderately painful enough for me to be reluctant prior to the appointments. If I did feel a migraine coming on, I would take ibuprofen, and it would go away. I got these injections for about 2-3 years and was basically migraine free, but due to bureaucratic error, I fell off of their caseload and was too busy with school to try to fight my way back. When I got my next migraine, I felt it coming on and took 800 mg ibuprofen. It went away within 30 mins. I started experimenting, and noticed that from here on out, if I take 200 mg when I feel one coming on, it goes away within 30 mins. If I don't take the ibuprofen soon enough though, I will get a migraine. Now, I have ibuprofen everywhere I go. I don't know what happened, but that just started working. Perhaps the botox treatment for a few years was a necessary step for ibuprofen to start working, or maybe there was some other lifestyle change that somehow worked yet I'm not aware of. Regardless, I haven't had a true migraine in about 7-8 years, so I consider myself practically cured from migraines.

Hopefully, this can help you somehow!

tl;dr: Had horrible migraines. Only thing that would work were IV/IM drugs. Ended up getting botox for 2-3 years, then ibuprofen started to magically work if I took it quick enough.

1: They called it something like "globanol", but told me it was the same as dimenhydrinate.

BackOnMyBS , 10 days ago

"we". mfer is sending other people to war. he is not involved in any fighting. eff outta here

BackOnMyBS , 9 days ago

the message of that song is brutal

BackOnMyBS , 10 days ago

thats pretty much my life motto.

❤️

Mine is similar: to make the world a better place, you have to be better than the world. It gives me motivation and guidance when in crappy situations where I feel like fighting back, but doing so would only continue the cycle of anger.

BackOnMyBS , 14 days ago

it's not authentic until they gang up on the autistic kid

BackOnMyBS , 14 days ago

Congrats on hearing BB King! The dude is a legend, basically creating a whole new genre. Imagine making music so good that it becomes a genre. That's BB King.

BackOnMyBS Mod , 3 days ago

I can even do info dumps on topics I don't care about. I really like the passion that comes along with it.

BackOnMyBS Mod , 3 days ago

Me when someone asks me to tell/teach them about one of my special interests...

Me: For real‽

Them: Yep

Me: But like, how much do you want to know?

Them: Everything

Me: Even if it's a lot of information and takes an hour?

Them: Yes

Me: And you'll stop me if it's too much?

Them: Yep, I'll stop you if it's too much.

Me: 😮 hold on. let me thing....ok... 😮‍💨 ...so....non-stop talking for an hour possibly using props and a board/paper for illustrations. several related tangential topics come up and added to a list of topics to discuss later.

BackOnMyBS Mod , 15 days ago

oh no, is this an autism thing too?? guys, it's hitting me how autistic my entire life is. there aren't any areas that are NT at all. zero. everything is autistic, even how I eat, watch tv, and wear shirts. the last one is passive, yet I still do it autistically 😆

Funny story:

Before I found out, I had a friend that I would think was "a little autistic". Remember, I didn't really know much about what people said autism was. Anyway, once I found out about myself and told people, most of my long-term friends told me they were too. That means this guy I thought was a little autistic must be raging autistic to NTs 😆. So, I told him that he was def autistic, and he said that he wasn't, then started talking about the material in the soles of his shoes (you can't make this up!). I said, you're literally a world-renown engineer (I swear he had over 40 patents), your mom is a social worker that works with autistic kids, your parents have like 20 pets including chickens in the middle of Miami, and your daughter is diagnosed as autistic! the dude ignored me.

Later on, he got into some problems at work where he was accused of some bs by a person that wanted his position, so he got a lawyer. The lawyer told him that there are some high achieving people with certain traits that often get attacked by lesser performers for their position. I told him something like, "Yes!! High-achieving autistic people because they piss everyone else on the team off! You've got over 40 patents halfway through your career and are showing up still drunk from your little BDSM party the previous night, while these people are busting their asses off to get maybe 3 patents their entire careers. Then, when they complain about how hard they are working on a problem for the past 2 semesters so they look smart and focused, you solve it for them on the spot, making them look stupid af. Meanwhile, you think you helped them out, so you act like you didn't just punk them in front of everyone and invite them to lunch, 'Dont worry. You don't have to pay for me just because I helped you out.' Think about it." Last time I spoke with him, he was still "not autistic".

BackOnMyBS , 15 days ago

If I remember correctly, NordVPN keeps logs So, if a govt ever subpoenas their data, users can have their privacy violated.

BackOnMyBS , 15 days ago

1. It obscures your IP so that sites don't know who you are by that, but really, they can just fingerprint your browser if you're not addressing that too.

2. You can present your location to a site as being from any where the VPN has a server. Say you want to watch something that is only available to users in Canada, but you live in Mexico. You can use the VPN to present yourself to the site as being in Canada and watch it. Unfortunately, some sites are blocking content from being accessed by known VPN IP addresses. I think Netflix is one. Frustrating to me, lemmy.world doesn't let anyone post or comment while using a VPN, though I understand that it's for valid security and admin purposes, such as to reduce CASM material.

3. More importantly, it encrypts your data between you and the VPN. That means that no one between you two knows what the info you're transmitting means. This includes your ISP that likely collects/sells your data or could report it to authorities. Additionally, it protects you from people that can join your wifi and steal your data that way, say at a public wifi like a coffee shop.

Personally, I use a VPN as much as possible, especially when I'm connected to any wifi outside of my home. In fact, I will absolutely not access security-sensitive sites (e.g. bank accounts, credit cards, etc.) on public wifi without using my VPN.

BackOnMyBS , 16 days ago

Kenya stop telling me what to do?

BackOnMyBS Mod , 16 days ago

I seriously did that on a date just a few hours ago, but it gets better. It was Immortal Technique lyrics:

🎶I took a shit on a development deal from Sony🎶

nailed it. someone fist bump me 🤜

BackOnMyBS Mod , 5 days ago

that thread was great! it was the stupidest argument I've seen in months omg lmaooo 😂

BackOnMyBS OP Mod , 2 days ago

better text them first