@vger@social.tchncs.de cover
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

vger

@vger@social.tchncs.de

In the beginning of 2024 I have realized that I am #ActuallyAutistic. I am currently working towards an official diagnosis, but that will take a while.

I am a system administrator by day. At night I enjoy #LinuxGaming or tinkering with my #HomeLab.

I'm interested in all things #OpenSource software and #InformationSecurity. I want everyone to be happy, so #HumanRights, #Freedom and #Privacy are a thing.

I toot in English and German and will try to tag accordingly.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. View on remote instance

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I've been trying to understand what it means that an autistic brain is bombarded with so much information. We spent some time at our summer cottage and I think I got some insight in this.

Instead of seeing the lake in front of my eyes, everywhere I looked I saw a detail. Its size would vary but it would still be a detail. A swan there, its partner there, no leaves on that tree yet, what a cool pattern on the small waves, what does it look like when I move my eyes this way, or that way, a car on the opposite shore, the shadow of the tree, I wonder what seagulls those are etc. A new detail with every single glance.

At the same time my attention tried to keep track of the dog and listened to birds singing and bumblebees flying around.

Now I wonder what it feels like just to see the lake.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic In the past year I was so mentally exhausted that going on vacation only made it worse. We‘ve been to Sweden an I absolutely could not enjoy the landscape. I was utterly overwhelmed by everything I saw, heard, smelled. The mere fact being there was too much for me.

niamhgarvey , to ActuallyAutistic group
@niamhgarvey@mastodon.ie avatar

I've been looking for affordable to give to kids at my book launch in July, but all I am finding are stickers with the outdated jigsaw image! I want the in rainbow (for neurodiversity) or gold (for autism) or something equally neuro-affirming. Why is it hard to find these in / or available to post to Ireland?

There are lovely badges, but they are expensive to buy in multipack + less safe to be handing out to kids.
@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@niamhgarvey Well, at least the one used by Wikipedia is in the public domain. So I would assume it is safe to use for stickers and such.

@dmbaturin @actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I did a very autistic thing and bought summer clothes in 2 to 4 packs.

I am now the proud owner of:

  • 9 capri leggings in 4 colors.

  • 10 of the same tank top all in different colors.

  • 4 bike shorts in different colors.

  • 17 autistic t-shirts from my store in 5 different colors (they come in more colors, I just buy the same colors lol)

I will officially wear the same outfits every day in various colors when both sleeping and being outside in the heat lol

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@alexisbushnell
I wear black every day, every season. It just makes life so much easier.
@ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic

Dr_Obvious , to ActuallyAutistic group German

@actuallyautistic
When it comes to awareness and false stereotypes an important topic is autistic woman that were ignored to exist for a long time.

When people talk about that they often refer to "female autism" or "female representation". That often focusses on higher level of masking and deep compensation in social skills.

I find that sometimes irritating because I kind of see myself in that description. On the other hand there are woman that show rather stereotypical traits.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Dr_Obvious I don't have that much insight on late diagnosed autism in women. I've read some texts from late diagnosed women and the autism itself does not sound different from what I, as a man, experience or read from other men. So I don't think that there is a great gender difference in experiencing autism itself.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Dr_Obvious What I do think is that women have a much harder time being acknowledged to be autistic. Our society has internalized the tropes women and men have to have. And while boys will greatly differ from those tropes, people see that there is "something wrong" with them. When girls show signs of autism it's just "oh, they're just a girl".

@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Have my comrades begun to dress more comfortably since embracing their autistic selves?

That question isn’t only for the late DX - most of us who have always known haven’t always embraced ourselves

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I‘ve moved to hoodies-only. Next come the type of pants. I‘ll probably switch to baggy.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@ChrisUplus @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Yes, I also buy several of the same so I can just wear them every day. It‘s also not just the color, but also how it fits. I‘m picky about that as well.

twan , to ActuallyAutistic group
@twan@mastodon.online avatar

Say you only took NT's into account without saying you only took NT's into account...

"Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis have posited that these types of pre-performance rituals help to alleviate our stress in part by simply forcing us to focus on something else, giving us less time and space to spiral out of control."

https://hbr.org/2024/04/the-research-backed-benefits-of-daily-rituals


@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@twan @actuallyautistic Those rituals were always THE reason for me to just go and grab a coffee.

twan , to ActuallyAutistic group
@twan@mastodon.online avatar

In the middle of me typing an email, my laptop decides it's time to update Outlook... I mean, seriously? And of course it turns out it didn't save the latest edits when I open the draft again after. Now I have to go fishing for that last train of thought I had before the whole thing shut down. Goodie. (Focus, Twan. Focus.)


@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@twan @actuallyautistic

My PC: You can‘t postpone this update. It is crucial for you to continue your work.

Me:

video/mp4

SaySimonSay , to ActuallyAutistic group
@SaySimonSay@tech.lgbt avatar

My employer has decided to use an online whiteboard tool as the main tool for sharing information within and across teams.

It looks fancy and contemporary, I will give you that.

But this is hell for me* – not only because these boards, chock-full of sticky notes and pictures and stuff, take ages to load.

I am hugely distracted by all the fonts and shapes in various sizes and colours. I am unable to see how things relate to one another. I cannot see any hierarchy or structure. I am lost. And why is everything yellow? 😫

If you want me to use the results of your meeting for my work, please provide me with structured text containing headings, lists and maybe some boldface/italics.

  • It is also insanity because there is no proper way of exporting these whiteboards, if the company ever wants to switch to a different whiteboard tool or if the current whiteboard service is discontinued at some point. And let's not talk about accessibility for one second.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@SaySimonSay @actuallyautistic I have no problem with using (physical) whiteboards to initially note and organize information. But as a central tool for info sharing there is absolutely no way I can imagine them being any useful.

transponderings , to ActuallyAutistic group
@transponderings@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people and people who think they might be autistic!! Do you feel awkward saying names? Does it stress you out to use someone’s name in conversation? 🤔

(This is a verbatim copy of a YouTube poll posted earlier by Meg @ I’m Autistic Now What?)

Feel free to boost and comment to clarify your response if you need to 😊

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@transponderings @actuallyautistic I‘m currently in a group of loose friends where we often meet for an online game. I know all their real names and the game requires to call people by names. I find it easier to call them by their online handles than their real names. And I also like to be referred to by my online ID (the same I‘m using here). It just feels weird to use the real names.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Dr_Obvious @twan @transponderings @actuallyautistic Totally. Whenever I enter a new group of people where I have to remember the names (e.g. a new job) I apologize because that is going to take months.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@twan @Dr_Obvious @transponderings @actuallyautistic Mostly positive feedback like „Oh yes, totally understandable. It‘s a lot to learn.“

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@twan There are times where I don't even remember a colleagues name after years of working with them. But then I can usually overplay it since I normally don't need their name while we are talking and if I need it afterwards ("Just drop me an e-mail!") I know in which company contact directory I can look it up 😉
@Dr_Obvious @transponderings @actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Dr_Obvious That's an interesting thought. I definitely put low to none energy into things I find unimportant (which is the vast majority of things). Connecting that with the fact that I work in IT it's only logical that I don't have to remember names, my servers do that for me 😉
@twan @transponderings @actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Dr_Obvious Well, that would be the same as I would name my colleages like $BaldWithGlasses or $TannedWithLongBlackHair 😅
@twan @transponderings @actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@twan Well, I simply put it this way: It's the sum of traits that makes us autistic. It's what actually helps me avoiding impostor syndrome while accepting to be autistic. I don't just have two or three traits that apply to autism. I have tons of them. And every day I discover something new.
@alstonvicar @Dr_Obvious @transponderings @actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Dr_Obvious I don't have many close friends, but I can confirm this at a context from work. Although it doesn't happen very often, I does happen.
@alstonvicar @twan @transponderings @actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@alstonvicar @twan @Dr_Obvious @transponderings @actuallyautistic Just shutting up would be the definite wrong way, I would say.

You could form your „That doesn‘t sound different to my NT experience.“ into a question: „How does this experience factor into the struggles you have as an autistic/ND person?“

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@twan @alstonvicar @Dr_Obvious @transponderings @actuallyautistic This. Sentences like „Aren‘t we all a bit autistic?“ immediately trigger the before mentioned impostor syndrome in me an I‘m starting to question my own existence again.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@sal @actuallyautistic @transponderings @Dr_Obvious @alstonvicar @twan Impersonation of being an autistic person, even if I am not. And only being self-dx makes it easy for me to feel like I‘m only pretending.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@sal @actuallyautistic @transponderings @Dr_Obvious @alstonvicar @twan That‘s a question I will not ask myself after 15+ years of depression. It just doesn‘t count what I would do differently. The past months where the first after a very long time where I have been able to do what helps me to survive. And I intend to continue doing so.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@sal @actuallyautistic @transponderings @Dr_Obvious @alstonvicar @twan Oh, definitely not. However, having internalized some patterns like „I have to function“ do not help with impostor syndrome.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Zumbador @nellie_m @transponderings @actuallyautistic Reading „A Song of Ice and Fire“ was sheer horror regarding to names. I‘m not exaggerating when I say there are thousands of names mentioned. I already have enough problems making sense of the words that I read. It doesn‘t help when they add in tons of different characters.

Btw: sorry for causing trouble for you by changing my avatar. I promise it‘s going to stay.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@jcmrva @Zumbador @nellie_m @transponderings @actuallyautistic I didn‘t even finish book 1 …

H2O , to ActuallyAutistic group
@H2O@climatejustice.social avatar

Something I don't understand is why doesn't everybody know that if you are doing file names with dates and you want to always know what the most recent one is, you should always start with the year then the month then the date so that things will be in date order in your files.

i.e., "2024-04-08 filename"

rather than "filename 04-08-2024" or "apr 8 filename" or "ver 2 filename" or ... or ... total chaos.

How is this not intuitive?

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@H2O @actuallyautistic My favorite ones that I saw were V2.old, V2.new and V2.new.new

I have no idea how this can be so hard. And all those people who can‘t get it right are the ones crying for file versioning software.

autism101 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Do you need routines but actually dislike them at the same time?

image: unknown
@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic I‘m still trying to figure out what routines might help me. I do have set dates for cleaning the house or grocery shopping. But besides that it‘s still hard for me to figure out something helpful. I‘ve only become aware of my autism in January and haven‘t worked since February. My new job starts on 1st May, so I hope I‘ll have something basic figured out by then.

catswhocode , to ActuallyAutistic group
@catswhocode@mastodon.art avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd Question for both groups: do you get earworms a lot? I know that most people do, but I've read that for autistic/ADHD people, they tend to be more intense or more annoying. I get them constantly - it's like I have a playlist in my head all the time.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@catswhocode @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd I do, a lot. Can be a song from my playlist, from a game, a movie. I think I have an earworm at least every other day. Most of the times they actually bother me. It drains energy to having to „listen“ to them constantly. And I don‘t yet have a good strategy to remove them. Replacing one earworm with another surely doesn‘t help.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@catswhocode @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd Last year I had a very intense form of an earworm. It was the cover of the ZZ Top song Doubleback from Back to the Future 3, which I always liked and had just rediscovered during a time of re-traumatization of a PTBS. I listened to that song very often, developed an earworm AND connected the song to the trauma! The earworm lasted for several weeks and I got triggered from the song when I heard it IRL.

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@catswhocode @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd It took me several months to get that song disconnected from the trauma again.

innervisioner , to ActuallyAutistic group
@innervisioner@mastodonapp.uk avatar

An question: Do you ever get negatively judged , deemed a doomer or get a general bad reaction when you’re just being honest about something?

Had this with someone the other day and it was a strong visceral reminder of one reason why I used to mask so hard I wouldn’t give my opinion on most stuff.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@innervisioner @actuallyautistic I once told my mom that I didn‘t like the food she ordered for dinner on her birthday barbecue. Oh god, the looks she gave me.

vger , to ActuallyAutistic group
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@actuallyautistic So, today was my first appointment with a therapist who specialized on late diagnosed autists. She thinks that I am most definitely on the spectrum and strongly suggested to go for an official diagnosis, which will now be my next great quest. I got many addresses from her, so I‘ll have to do a lot of phonecalls after the easter weekend.

It still feals weird, but it took a part away from my impostor syndrome. I now have a first professional opinion who reassured my suspicions.

catswhocode , to ActuallyAutistic group
@catswhocode@mastodon.art avatar

@actuallyautistic I have had a lot of people say the whole "...aren't we all a little autistic?" And I have a hard time explaining that that's not the case. While I don't have a formal diagnosis, I'm pretty certain that my mom is autistic, and if/when I get evaluated, I probably would be too :blobfoxlaugh:

vger ,
@vger@social.tchncs.de avatar

@callunavulgaris @catswhocode @actuallyautistic I‘m currently in job interviews and never mention my self-dx. Hoerver, I‘m navigating to a „best fit“ approach for my autism as my next job. It will be 100% remote which should help with most of my treats.

If I get an official diagnose, I‘m probably going to make it official at my job as well.

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