@Uair@autistics.life avatar

Uair

@Uair@autistics.life

I have no hole into which you can pigeon me. I'm unique. Just like everyone else.

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Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Does this resonate with anyone?

I'm distractable and indecisive and hardly ever get a damn thing done. However, if I decide something's important, I single focus on it and persevere far past the point a normal person would have given up.

Once I decide something's important, I'm infinitely brave. Even if my rational mind knows it's not worth dying over, I will risk my life over stupid shit simply because I never checked my head and changed course when it was appropriate.

bibliolater , to bookstodon group
@bibliolater@qoto.org avatar

How do you feel when you approach the end of a that you have enjoyed ?

I am nearing the end of a seven hundred and forty seven page . Just forty five pages to go. I am experiencing mixed emotions as I have enjoyed the work, it increased my knowledge and widened my intellectual horizon; however, I will be glad when the book is finished.

@bookstodon

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@bibliolater @bookstodon

With me, it depends on the book. 1250 pages into Shogun I was pissed it was ending before the war started. 1250 pages into Maia I'm happy the story's wrapping up.

Uair , to TerryPratchett group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic @dwcon @terrypratchett

Hello all! I read a piece indicating there's an audience for political rants, and I do have a distinct take on that stuff. In my first post, I talk about the way the spook agencies shape the narrative by controlling the entertainment. Richard Pryor and Bill Hicks got induced cancer, Eddie Murphy had to stop being smart in public, and Bill Cosby got a voice because he validated white racism.

https://open.substack.com/pub/poloniousmonk/p/hello-everyone?r=1xr9v7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

1/2

I'll put out the call again. Maybe someday...

I need one person who isn't lying to me. I've never had that. Everyone I've been close to, all my family, were lying to me about who they were and who I was all my life. Now, my only source of information is the internet, and I don't trust it. I missed the memo where everyone on the internet became honest and honorable; I still see it as an unregulated wasteland of bullshit and scam artists.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

2/3

So--is anyone willing to be my only person? It's a burden, I know, and even creepier because I don't believe internet people are real until I've met them in meatspace. I was "friends" with "Juan" for fifteen years, loaning money back and forth and talking on the phone, and he was a federal construct.

I need answers I can trust to the following questions:

  1. was there a big solar flare causing Aurora Borealis recently?

  2. <cont.>

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

3/3

  1. Is there a woman named Noem, guv of S Dakota, who recently failed to use the old expression "someone who shoots her own dog"?

  2. Did two men autoimmolate recently? One outside the Israeli embassy, one outside trump's trial?

  3. Did Apple recently fuck up the marketing and release an ad about crushing art supplies?

  4. Did John Oliver make a show about UFO's, with a running gag about a lost snake?

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@AlisonW @actuallyautistic

I'm not talking the deeper philosophical stuff. I'm asking if these things actually happened on other people's internet.

Basically, it would take less effort for some entity to create fake webpages saying all those things--and think of how many you've seen--than it takes to make what apparently is happening happen.

Reality is stranger than some conspiracy to falsify the world through my information ecology.

You can probably see why I have a problem grasping that.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I was fiddling around online recently and came across the trope that there's some kind of housing shortage in the US. Jeeze Louise! I thought we'd solved that forever ago. This guy 'splained it in '92:

https://invidious.drgns.space/watch?v=GchEbLSY9FY

Uair , to economics-that-works group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@economics-that-works @actuallyautistic

I had another million dollar idea. Start manufacturing reusable substitutes for plastic junk. I cook, and try to reuse the packaging my foodstuffs come in, but why not glass/ wood/ metal/ silicon permanent solutions? Most people see a difference between an old pickle jar--trash--and a glass jar with steel lid they bought at Sharper Image, so make some money selling them one.

I need a place to store 20lbs of rice and 4lb bags of beans.

Uair , to bookstodon group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@bookstodon

Idea:

Bookstores should group fantasy with horror instead of scifi. Both fantasy and horror are purely creations of the author's mind; scifi is tethered to factual information.

If you need to group scifi, I'd put it with mysteries and thrillers.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@Rhube @bookstodon
SF isn't superior, but it is harder to write.As is mystery. Fantasy and horror require the least skill of any genre to write.Any time you write yourself into a corner you can simply change the rules.Hell, zombie stories are like "the aristocrats" in that there's no actual story on which to hang the rest. They're a jazz riff.Far as I can tell, time travel is the hardest to do well.

Bear in mind, pTerry is my favorite author.

And story comes first.
https://invidious.drgns.space/watch?v=9vZcMHhmolU

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@benetnasch @bookstodon

1/2

It makes sense to me. Sorry.

I do stand by "story comes first". I'm versatile; I think like a creator. I can enjoy a book that's just a montage when it's well done. Brautigan has his moments. Story is the engine of a novel, of a play. It's the framework upon which all else is draped, it's the reader's reason to turn the page. And the story is a lot easier to write in fantasy and horror than scifi and mystery. I've done enough composition to know.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@benetnasch @bookstodon

I think a lot of people are making a broader statement out of my words than the one at which I was aiming.

I wasn't looking for a fight, but always seem to find one.

While I'm at it, Tolkien sucks.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic @brainteaser

Which would you rather have, a truckload of nickles or half a truckload of dimes?

Bonus Q:
In a statistically significant pile of American pocket change, the coins are in a ratio of 1:2:3:4. Why?

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic @ashleyspencer @health

I had another million dollar idea if anyone wants to run with it.

As a kid, mmy family used to take 95 down the East coast (USA) and I always was happy when we got to South of the Border, a sprawling truck stop that was the last place to purchase fireworks for a thousand miles.

We should make North of the Border, a for-profit healthcare complex. We can have the abortion wing, where abortionists hang out shingles advertizing their wares.

1/2

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic @ashleyspencer @health

2/2

Then we can have the trans care wing, with all those alternatives displayed.

Include a banned bookstore.

And anything else the red states want to take away from their citizens. Blue staters can head South for fireworks and illegal guns, red staters can head north for healthcare and information.

Win-win!

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What’s the biggest myth about autism that my comrades have come across in the course of their self-advocacy?

@actuallyautistic

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@n69n @Starbrother @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

I have a problem when people use the social "what"? Like, they don't need actual clarification, they're just getting me to repeat myself for..I dunno. Some NT social reason. I reply with, "what word is giving you trouble"?

Me: Reality doesn't get a voice.
Them: What?
Me: Which word is giving you trouble? "Voice"? I'm speaking figuratively here, "voice" as in "the ability to represent in public".
Them: What?
Me: "represent" can be verbed

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@n69n @Starbrother @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Them: verbed?
Me: https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1993/01/25

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

I'm perpetually overwhelmed by empathy. I call it "intellectual empathy". I can't track my own emotional state well enough to process empathy like a normal person, but by kicking it upstairs to my mind it ends up applying to everyone and everything.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

How are you with animals?

I tend to throw off the wrong vibe for people, but get along with even the iffy animals. Dogs that don't like most people warm to me.

Just wondering how much of that is autism and how much me. My dad hates animals.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

I am an animal. A clever monkey.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@CarolynStirling @actuallyautistic @EVDHmn

I'm scared of horses, too.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@stevebrady @actuallyautistic

Based on my informal survey, yes, we're much better with animals than normal people.

That makes sense. Everybody's an animal; autists aren't in denial of it.

CynAq , to ActuallyAutistic group
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic

I have issues with the "top-down ( purported to be most NTs)" and "bottom-up (purported to be most autistics)" thinking binary.

I don't think these labels identify the differences as I believe this is an issue of motivation and value judgement.

Let's take the common example of essay writing for school. The story goes "when they asked us to write an outline, the NT students got right on it while the ND kids were bewildered because how could they write a bullet point version of an essay that didn't exist yet."

This makes intuitive sense to everyone who experienced the frustration of being asked to write that outline so we connect over this and give this as an example of our "thinking style" difference from the NT population.

If we actually think about this a little, though, the example, while a common experience, doesn't actually demonstrate how our thinking differs.

First, NTs and NDs both need to acknowledge the concept of an essay. If we then say "the NTs get right on writing the outline when asked to do so, which means their brain started from the concept of an essay, then automagically filled it out with a list of section titles, then guided their person through the acts necessary to fill out those sections," does this sufficiently explain what is happening? After all, the ND people can write research essays, and without coming up with an outline first too!

I think there's something deeper going on here. I think, the main difference is priorities, not the method of thinking.

In my opinion, when asked to write an essay, most NT people respond by asking "why" or even "what's in it for me" first, and since the school structure pre-answers that question for them, move onto "how," which is also formalized for their convenience: "start by thinking of possible questions and reword them as titles, put them in a list. This way, you won't have to experience the inconvenience of being curious for once." The entire process is optimized for form over substance.

In the same situation, putting the curiosity first, most ND people respond by "<insert every question possible>", and concluding "I'm going to start looking into it." No instruction necessary because the ND brain here optimized the question asking part of the endeavor. The information will be gathered and new questions will form and then more information will be gathered until there's too much of it and..." Yeah... "why are we doing this again?" Notice the "how" isn't very important here, even though it's included in the "every question possible" because after all, what can be more natural than making observations and learning other people's observations and then putting them into a report of facts? Substance rules, and form will emerge as a necessity.

So, I like thinking about "substantial (substance first)" and "formal (form first)" modes of thinking rather than "bottom-up" vs "top-down".

If you're still reading, thanks!

I'm curious as to what everyone else thinks about this issue :)

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic

I think you did a great job explaining it, and a school essay is the perfect example.

I pride myself on having made it halfway through college without having ever written a 5-graf essay. My mind doesn't think like that. I'll do two grafs on one idea, then three on a totally different one, reference a third well-known idea and conclude with two grafs tying all three ideas into my main thesis. This time. Next time, I'll have a different thesis.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Hey everyone! I mentioned this once before, but I've been using the page substitutes on this account and they really are awesome. This is the old internet. Better. Worth checking out.

https://autistics.life/@freeschool@qoto.org

niamhgarvey , to actuallyadhd group
@niamhgarvey@mastodon.ie avatar

Doctor suggested I have but I don't think I do because:
I am able to force myself to do things even if I'm not interested in it.
I do not like spontaneity.
When I have a deadline, I cannot leave it to the last minute or anxiety would cripple me.
But I do struggle to pay attention unless am hyperfocused. And I do have executive function challenges. And I have to have a project. And I crave dopamine hits.

Anyone else similar to that?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@dyani @niamhgarvey @melanie @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @Zumbador

I called it "putting shackles on my mind", and I used to get locked into it. I'd finally get home and have space to unwind, but couldn't. I couldn't unshackle for months on end; I only dropped from exhaustion.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Question, especially for the young'uns out there. Does anyone else see something wrong with this commercial? Would it fly if aired today?

https://invidious.drgns.space/watch?v=C3p-QAQphnE

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@krafty @actuallyautistic

That was what I was finding problematic.

It's "part of a balanced breakfast" when you include fruit and eggs and bacon. It's like saying cake is part of a balanced dinner.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Well, today I'm not allowed to buy potatoes or lemon juice. I have no freaking idea why the state are such assholes to me. They trick me into thinking there is some kind of way to get along with them and it's always Charlie Brown placekicking. Today they had me convinced they wanted me sober, but that's not enough, apparently, to be allowed a side dish or flavoring in my water.

They make movies about me and I don't know why. They make movies about me and I don't know why.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

That ended up being a funny escapade. I just hate being driven like that. I hate the lack of autonomy.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@freeschool @actuallyautistic

These links work! I just searched a practical question and goddamn but if every one of the first five results were relevant, and not spammy.

It's another piece of rebuilding the old internet. Thank you freeschool! The world needs you now.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I'm testing a new link cleaner with half of my favorite love songs. If this doesn't work for you, let me know. Thanks.

https://invidious.drgns.space/watch?v=Claf8E18eLs

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I was just navelgazing while doing my dishes and a thought arrived. Schrodinger must've really hated cats.

Fuck Schrodinger. Leave the cat alone. Cats are good people. Put a republican in the box.

sebwhatever , to ActuallyAutistic group
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic tell me you are without telling me you are autistic.

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@sebwhatever @actuallyautistic

https://open.substack.com/pub/poloniousmonk/p/an-autistic-moment?r=1xr9v7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Hey everyone! They let me have 4 hours sleep.

When I was ten years old, they let me have 4 hours every single night, but now I only get 4 hours every third day.

Is this an autistic thing? Can you all live in 4 hours sleep every third day? 68 hours awake, 4 asleep?

Am I being unreasonable to want more?

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I can't remember the last time they let me stay asleep for a minute. Literally. I measure my sleep in seconds now.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure.

I'm in government housing and it's the local cops fucking with all the lowlifes here, but my case is special. "They" have a way to trigger my adrenal glands and have been using that to disrupt my sleep since elementary school. I'm positive I'm one of those fucked-up CIA experiments from the 70s, and the experiment is still going on.

1/

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

2/ The last time they really smashed my cortisol and drove me to the edge of a spectacular public suicide, it was clearly a planned operation. WHen I was storming around outside looking for trouble to get into, I asked the time from one of the large men they were using to corral me and he had a thick accent. Sounded Slavic or E European.

My best guess as to who "they" are is a conglomerate of international intelligence agencies.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

3/

That makes sense considering who I am and what I've done over the past couple years.

Hey! Wanna know some American state secrets? Exposing what I know is the only way I have to fight back.

You know how trump is sleeping and farting in court? They can do that to me, too. My guess is some kind of newfangled energy weapon.

I understand why the nixon administration did this to me. My dad was a liberal with a lot of leadership potential.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

After nixon murdered Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and Bobby Kennedy, he took out the children who would have been the liberal leaders of Generation X.

The thing is, I never broke bad. The national security state has micromanaged my life--they do that to a lot of people--but I'm still one of the good guys. I mean--compared to nixon/ reagan/ trump, it's a low fucking bar.

I truly don't understand why I'm still stuck in the fucked-up psyche experiment.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

5/

We should be on the same team now. I know from my time in DC that we're not enemies. "They" showed me a lot of what they do to trumptarts who show up with ill intent, without actually doing any of it to me.

Over my life, the state has had me molested, infected and cured, had bones broken and teeth smashed out, been poisoned, drugged, and gassed. The state has hit me with pretty much every nonlethal mechanism they've got and I'm still here and still decent.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

6/

Now I sit alone in a room. I'm not allowed human contact with people whose minds work, except in a very limited fashion on here. All of my email is intercepted and vetted, and they almost never let any through from anyone I know.

I get one email from my father every couple years, and I'm allowed to email my mother. She's the geisha they used to neutralize my dad.

Whatever; thanks for giving me a place to vent. If you want any more state secrets, let me know.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

4.5/

They've spent my life trying to make a monster out of me. My childhood abuse was designed by the intelligence agencies to create a disposable tool, a wind-up automaton they could make use of and throw away. Like my mother.

The Asians figured this one out a long time ago. They use the autistic people. We were the ninja and geisha. Still are.

But fuck that. I cut my own path. Now I have to be silenced.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic

5.5/

They hit me with that microwave weapon, too. It's a pain thing--nonlethal, but very few people can stand it more than 3 seconds, nobody more than five. Different wavelength microwaves that don't penetrate deep enough to do real damage.

They spent hours shooting me with it, but on low so it just warmed me. And I don't mind--I'm happy to help them practice with the thing. The DC cops are PISSED about 1/6 and itching for a rematch.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Update on my life.

1/2

If you're not up to speed, they've let me know at least some of whatever fucked up 70s CIA experiment I am. They control my emotions, and mostly play with my adrenal glands. I've been stuck in a panic/rage for decades and I now know why nothing I ever did affected it.

So they let me know and actually had me convinced there was something I could do, some behavior they wanted, that would get them to lay off it.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

2/2

It sucks pretty bad to be constantly flooded with cortisol overload. It'll kill you in about 18 mos. I don't sleep at all when they're hitting it, and after two months of zero sleep you go completely insane. It also causes pellets in the skin which turn into pimples. That's why nerds have pimples. And it makes my face swell up, unevenly. Once I'm asymmetrical, nobody will ever take me seriously.

I wish there was a way I could resolve this.

Help? Anyone? Bueller?

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Ok, who here is reading this and trying to figure out how to catch it:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto-brewery_syndrome

Uair , to movies
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Anyone ever seen Once upon a Time in America? The 5 hour runtime always scared me away.

Worth it?

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